Are You Punishing Your Guy For What My Man Did?

As women, we share good and bad stories about our relationships. Sometimes, we tell how a man has hurt or betrayed us and sometimes we're  bragging about how wonderful he is. Usually, the friend will agree and say, "my guy does that too, he's so sweet" or disagree saying, "my man refuses to that." When conversations like that occur, our minds begin to wander. We start thinking, "if her boyfriend cheated and she didn't know until he left her for the side-chick,  my man probably doing the same thing" or, we say to ourselves, "why can't my relationship be more like theirs ? And This Ladies,  Is Where We Go Wrong!!

Do Not, I repeat, Do Not, base your relationships off of someone else's. And don't be looking all crazy when you read this, because you know you instantly caught an attitude with your boyfriend, when your best friend announced, that she and her short time boyfriend were getting married. Your first thought was, " Joe and I been together longer than them and that fool still ain't propose to me." Now, you mad at him for being his self, you causing unnecessary drama, he mad because he don't know why you mad and the chaos begins. Never compare your man! Everyone's relationship is different. Don't get mad and tell him he can't hold your car, because Lisa down the street caught her husband with another woman in their car. That's not fair. If you treat him like he's a dog before he start acting like one, then you deserve what ever you were contemplating on him doing. Respect your man as an individual, don't put him in the category with all other guys. When you do that, you' re already setting up your relationship for failure. What you should do, is reward him because he didn't try to pull that stunt like Bill down the block did. Treat him like a king (if he's a good man) and he will treat you like a queen. If you start treating him like a peasant,  you better be prepared to get left overs.  Men are like children, when you give them candy they want to be good. They behave because they know when they get home, they got a good chance of receiving compensation. If you act all unappreciative they "gon' run wild." 

Instead of punishing him you should be training him. If you never set rules for him to follow, how you gonna get mad at him for breaking them? 

Don't Let HIM Change YOU

A friend of mine once said "love means sacrifice”. In a relationship, changes must be made to both parties otherwise it will not work. I totally agreed with her. Mostly, because it made sense to me at the time and also because I had never been in love before. But now, I say HELL NO!!!!!
Alright, I know, I got a little carried away. But, I have good reason. Most of these men want you to change your hair (stop wearing weave), your make up, the way you dress, the clubs you go to, even your religion. So now you at his church, looking jacked up in the face, with your natural(nappy) hair out; not to mention, you’re wearing the most unflattering outfit, and you’re so mad and frustrated you don't even care about missing that party last week. I refuse to make major alterations; meanwhile, the only thing different about him is his phone number, and we all know why he changed that. Stop changing who you are, so he can feel like a man. Don't get me wrong, if he is a good man then I will not mind making some minor adjustments. It won't bother me because I know he wouldn't think twice about doing the same for me. But ladies, we know the pickings are slim and I doubt you got a good man. Let’s just be real! Do not allow him to re-invent your appearance, because he can't handle your beauty; don't let him make you hide behind hideous clothing and ridiculous hair styles, because he's scared that other men will look at you; and definitely do not let him convince you NOT to take that job, because his ego isn't prepared for your independence. I've seen women reconstruct and transform themselves to an entirely different person just so he can feel secure. But, after you've made all those "corrections" on his behalf, the question is, are you happy? You put in all of that hard work and received peanuts in return. If he can't appreciate who you truly are, then he doesn’t really love you. I'm not rebuilding everything that took me so long to create. Love yourself and if he doesn’t, then tell him to keep it moving. You should want a man that loves the way you look and dress. He should be flattered when other men stop and stare because he knows that you’re HIS WOMAN. If you a party girl, find somebody that's going to party with you, not someone who's gonna make you sit home every weekend because he got trust issues.
He’s supposed to encourage that promotion, because he knows how hard you worked for it. Make him meet you half way. Real love is 50/50, o.k., o.k. 60/40. Stop letting him fill your mind with that non-sense. You were a woman when he met you; don't let him treat you like a child. You are his lady, not his daughter. If you’re going to change, do it on your own terms. DON'T YOU LET THAT MAN CHANGE YOU!

Shut The Hell Up!

There have been surveys and studies done on the difference between, how much more woman talk than men. It has been suggested that although men are usually the ones initiating the conversation, women are the ones who usually keep them going. Aside from all the talking we are doing, we are also the ones  trying to "figure things out in our lives" and or "working on bettering ourselves;" yet, we can never listen long enough to get advice on how to make that change. It can be concluded that we frequently seek advice, but talk so much that we don't even hear it. We complain about no one understanding us, but we're so busy yapping that we haven't heard our significant other agree with what we just said. Instead, we ignore the people around us, we constantly talk and ask questions, but never listen.  
We talk to our girlfriends, guy friends, co-workers, siblings, and even our moms all day. We tell our problems, highs, lows, and anything we think is important. If we took a break from it, we could see that life answers its own questions. You could see that the minute that question popped into your head, the answer to it came behind it. You just have to stay quiet long enough to realize it. You are beyond brilliant and you can do any thing you want without anyones help. Your problem is that you're so reluctant to talk, you keep asking people to tell you things you already know. Give yourself a chance, sit down and think for a moment, relax and let your mind be free without you telling your every thought. You will realize that life is a little easier without everyone else's input.
Stop asking him why he can't express himself. He can express his feelings, you just do it way too much. Hold some stuff back sometimes. Leave something for him to wonder about. If you put it all out there at once, he'll get bored quick. He does love you, you just have to be quiet so you can hear him say it.  She is a good friend, you just never gave her a chance to offer her advice on your problems. Your mother doesn't love your sister more than you; you were wrong about that. Its just that when sister girl goes and asks mommy dearest for advice, she actually listens to what mommy has to say. You ask a question, then complain the entire time afterwards, talking about "no one listens to me, nobody never wants to help me with my problems ma." 
So many woman complain that the communication has died in their relationships, or that they wish someone had warned them about such and such. Please let me be the first to tell you, someone did warn you about that guy, someone did tell you to be careful because decision making is hard, your older sister said that love does hurt sometimes,  and your boyfriend does not have a problem with talking to you. Sometimes we have to Shut The Hell Up! I don't know what's wrong with some of us ?, mama never told you "ladies are to be seen and not heard." We talk so much but we never listen. We come home to our men and before he can kiss you and say whats for dinner, you have already got into an hour long conversation that only you were engaged in. My advice is to switch it up a little. When you get home, ask him how his day went, let him talk for a change. Stop telling your girlfriend all your problems, listen to her issues for once. I know we love to hear ourselves talk and we just have to get out point across or we will just die; but just shut up for a second, it's good for you. Ladies, WE truly are crazy and we don't know what the hell we want. Alot of what we ask and talk about could be answered and understood if we observed instead. If we listen we could see so many things differently. Life's drama would not be drama at all. Shut up, look around; don't you see that when your talking your eyes and ears are wide shut. Be quiet, listen; you may learn something.

Be Blessed Not Stressed!

Learn from your mistakes, don't cry over spilled milk. Regret is the worst feeling and the hardest to get rid of, but while your crying your missing out on the best thing that comes from mistakes; experience. Instead of wallowing and feeling depressed, experience that warm feeling of relief after its all over. Its nothing better than knowing what not to do in that situation, and getting it right the second time around. Believe me you will appreciate it that much more. There is always a bright side, the problem is sometimes we let our minds get so clouded that we don't see it. Like the old saying. "it could  always be worse." I know, I know, we hate hearing that, especially when we're in a funky mood. Sometimes you have to embrace the bullshit, because without it you would not have even realized how wonderful life is without it. In fact enjoy the bullshit, because the more stress you put on yourself the older you look; and you know that's the one thing we definitely want to avoid ladies. Stress is a definite killer, and if you let it get to you then your might as well already be dead, because you lost the fight. Kill stress with happiness! No matter how angry, sad or depressed you are; no matter how crazy, ridiculous or serious your situation is, just smile. It always works. No, its not easy, but it works. Remember it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, it takes more emotion to hate than to love, and it takes more time to stress than to move on and relish. Don't miss out on life by missing out on life, because in some crazy way that makes sense. I'm not saying ignore your problems, because I am a big advocate of getting rid of them before they get worseand or preventive medicine; however, there are certain ways you can go about things.  We don't have to stomp around town because of whats going on in our lives. Find solutions gracefully, because when you handle dilemmas calmly, you realize that 9 times out of 10, what you thought was an issue really isn't. There are too many things you should be thankful for. Be blessed not stressed!

Have We Confused "Responsible and Reserved" With "Boring and Scared?"

Why is it so hard for women to follow their heart? Why is that when most men see or find a woman they think is more interesting then the one they are currently dating, they have no problem dropping one and going for the other? Meanwhile, most women will secretly have a crush on or believe another man could be better for them than there current boyfriend, but will never do anything about it. Is it because we are scared of hurting our significant others feelings? Do we value their well being more? Are we such strong lovers that we let our men become more important than ourselves? Are we afraid of bad decisions or are too damn cautious? I wish we could be more outgoing and limitless instead of limited and reserved. What is the consistent hold back of our fun drive?  I say "we" because I admit I have this problem as well. I admire women who live life like there's no tomorrow. I'm not suggesting we jump around to every man we find attractive. However, if you truly have feelings for someone other than your mate, why keep those feelings to yourself? Especially, if you have to think twice about whether or not your guy would do the same for you. Sadly, this does not only apply to men with us. Ladies, we do this all the time. We are cautious about our men, jobs, even our choice of style, clothing and hair. We seem to always have this long, drawn out, decision making, process before we change something in our lives. Don't be afraid to tell your guy you would like an open relationship, don't be afraid to quit your day job and start that business you've always wanted, and don't be afraid to cut all your hair off, color it blonde and wear that bright red dress. Go for it, you only have one life to live. Don't be the girl next door, be the women with the flirty hair-cut wearing the sexy red dress! I promise it will be liberating.

A WORD OF ADVICE FOR THE LADIES: Don't Settle!

Are we settling as women? Are we accepting the crap that most men give us because we think we can't do better, or are we afraid of rejection? There are so many wonderful and beautiful things about being a woman; however, we have got to learn to be more outgoing like the men. How many times has a guy come up to you in attempt to pursue you? And how many times have you turned him down? I'm sure on numerous occasions, but the difference is he doesn't call his friends that night, and have a ice cream and cake pity fest. He probably forgot about you ten minutes later, and moved on to the next pretty lady. Don't take everything so personal. If you see or know a great guy you like or would like to get to know, don't be afraid to spark up a conversation. We all know men are lazy and usually have bad judgment. Its okay to make the first move. If he accepts your invitation and likes your spunk then that's great, kudos to you, but let's not get all emotional if he turns you down. Rejection only means another opportunity to test "the new you" elsewhere. Ladies, we have come to far, and been to successful at being independent to be timid when it comes to finding a man. Don't settle for a mediocre guy or relationship because he's the only one who asked you out. That sounds even more ridiculous and pitiful than you probably feel. Try something new. Go for it, it can't hurt. Remember ladies, think like a man and act like a lady.

Food For Thought

Sometimes we overlook whats important looking for things we believe will be significant in our lives. Sometimes we get too wrapped up in the "what if's" and continue trying to find what we thought was suppose to be our future, the perfect opportunity or a good alternative. But life is happening while we are trying to create one. Feeling sorry for yourself takes too long. It's hard to live pretending that, hurt, pain and rejection does not exist but we do not have too. Living without fear of it is what strengthens the conqueror and helps us find the greatness inside of us. It displays what it means to truly be comfortable in your own skin; ready for love and pain, passion and hurt, rejection and independence. Life can not be defined as just breathing, because that's not living; that's just science.